Gruntipedia fun: Prophet of Haters
The Prophet of Haters is well known amongst the Covenant, but not so much Humans or Flood (they can't really think anyways). His true label is The Prophet of Hate, but most call him the Prophet of Haters because he hates just about everything from Apples, to Books, to Chips, to Dip, to Elbows, to Fire, to Gongs, to Hats and so on. He was most famous though for his battle with the Master Chief himself; but that's later on. This...is his story. Early Life The Prophet of Haters' true name is actually Bill Guy. He was raised by a Grunt and a variation of random hookers on the planet: 'Herpes'. There he had a multitude of dreams, such as: becoming a surgeon, a model, a rapper, and ruler of the universe. Haters attended the university of Coca Cola. There he learned many things of world-destroying technology, such as how to torture people with a mixture of electrical chairs, Potatoes and the Twilight movies, and how to remotely install OS X into people's computers. At college, Haters was never picked on because the other kids knew that their SWAG level was inferior to his. Haters beat up nerds, killed them, and then he would crap all over their faces when they were dead as a sign of his swag/superiority. One day Haters was caught deficating all over some dead nerd's face by a student. He was told on and almost kicked out of the university, however both the snitch and the principle both mysteriously disappeared hours later. He graduated and moved into his own apartment in the ghetto after being kicked out of the university. His transformation to the Biggest Hater Alive One day, Bill was getting a slushie at Target. Then a bunch of women approached him, accusing him of "hatin" on their baby's daddy. Bill then recited this line: "Jesus, are you like those whores from the Maury show?" This enraged the women, for they were those whores from the Maury show. So they called their boyfriends over and they shot Bill in the gut. He was rushed to the hospital. They gave him surgery but it was not successful. He was legally dead for about twelve seconds. Then he sprung back to life and broke one of the surgeons' necks. So he was put in an insane asylum. There he spent a week thinking of how to escape. Two days later he ate his way through the stone walls. He ran all the way back to his apartment. He got a gun and headed for Target. There he found the women and their boyfriends who shot him shopping at Walmart with a bunch of children. He shot one of the women in the back of the head and told the others to get down. Then he preached to them about how he was "The Prophet of Haters." Then one of the children tried to run, but the Prophet of Haters shot him in one of his butt cheeks, yelling, "ASS-SHOT!" Two minutes later he killed the five women, three boyfriends, and sixteen children by snapping their necks. This earned him a spot in the Book of World Records for "the killing of the most people in about three minutes." Hater had once decided to make his own cigarette factory, it was to be called "CIGGS FO MAI NIGGS" Industry until he realized he had an overwhelming hate of cigarettes. Hater's Apartment - Mini Chapter From the moment he walked in, Haters instantly hated the apartment. The fridge had no Ben & Jerry's ice cream, there was couch pizza, the bathroom was an attic with a blue wallpaper and worst of all... It smelt like Halo Wars. Haters immediately picked up his cellphone and dialed his cousin, the Prophet of Narcotics, who was working at the local PD. He brought weed and cocaine among other drugs. Haters then proceeded to dial Meat & Taters' HOES AND CHIPS, and the local community rapists and drug dealers. Soon, Haters had a full on party going. Meat and Taters, Lord Shithead, Arbiter] and even Kwarsh attended. Sadly, the party ended in disaster: The local potheads sniffed out the weed. A fierce battle ensued, with Haters being arrested after possession of drugs, assault and more. Haters broke out of jail two hours later and jacked a car, proceeding to drive to the local KFC. He stuck up the chicken joint and left, continuing on his quest to murder Ronald McDonald. How he Became a Prophet Two years later, he signed up for the role of a Prophet with the Covenant. They found his anger to be quite useful and called him the Prophet of Hate. His Works in the Covenant The Prophet of Haters was one of the most powerful Prophets in the Covenant, second only to the Prophet of Truth, and even he feared Hate's anger. The Prophet of Haters was in charge of the court system in the Covenant. Those who he found guilty would either be killed, forced to listen to a choir of Jackals sing until their minds imploded, or forced to watch 2 Girls, 1 Cup over and over again until they had visions of Cortana getting breast implants between Halo 2 and Halo 3, then dying because of an oversized boner exploding. He is famous for his capturing of Meat and Taters; two douchebags who eventually became heroes. The Prophet of Haters was deemed Criminally Insane by most Jackals because of the fact that the Prophet of Hate ate a 200 pound Brute after killing him with a Plasma Rifle (because of radiation, that is a bad idea). Involvement with the War on Humanity The Prophet of Haters was the main progressor of the war on Humans. Any paper that had the words "destroy people" on it was immediately signed and passed. He hated Humans, he hated everything. Soon, the Index was in the hands of the Prophet of Truth. So he and Mercy went along as Master Chief teleported into High Charity. The Prophet of Haters heard of an incoming ship packed with AIDS and decided to stay behind in an effort to lead a troop of Drones to disable the ship. As the Drones approached the ship, he waited in his holy chamber, looking out the window at them. Then, he found a warning on his Dragon Fruit Fuk'n'tosh Remotely Programmed Windows Vista Computer(Fuk'n'toshes suck. Problem, Fanboys?) . It was from the Prophet of Truth. It said: HOLEY $HI7! MASTER CHIEF HAS ENTERED THE PROPHET'S CHAMBERS! GET OUT OF THERE! ALSO, HORDES OF AIDS HAVE ENTERED, TIME TO LEAVE! But, the Prophet of Haters did not leave, he waited on his throne for Master Chief to arrive. After about three seconds, Master Chief came in. This was the moment that the Prophet of Haters had been waiting for his whole life: a chance to kill the Master Chief. "So John," he said, "let this be our ultimate battle." The prophet pulled out a bowl of ramen noodles and ate them in one bite. The Master Chief pulled out an Energy Sword he stole from a dying Elite and began to scan his biolevels. With amazement, he said, "his SWAG level; IT'S OVER 9000! ...]] Haters pulled out a Plasma Pistol and shot his Brute guard. He took his Gravity Hammer and battled the Master Chief for about five minutes. The Prophet of Haters had studied the art of fighting his whole life, but he was still not equally matched to the Master Chief. Haters and Chief engaged in a multitude of martial arts, the Prophet going for jujitsu while Chief entered his Wushu battle stance. Haters was still able to keep the fight going for five WHOLE minutes, but eventually the Master Chief got bored, and when the AIDS showed up he ditched Haters and went to find some other aliens to kill. MC swore revenge. For calling him'' his real name...........'' Haters knew what he had to do. So, he threw a grenade at them and jumped out the window. He fell over 1337 feet and landed on a Phantom. He drove it to the Ark's control room where he would meet Truth. .]] When he arrived, he found Miranda pointing a Pistol and a Shotgun at some Brutes. The Prophet of Haters gave the Prophet of Truth a Spiker and said, "SHOOT THAT WHORE!" So Truth pwned Miranda, activated the Hula Hoops, and was killed by the Arbiturd. Just as Haters was about to pwn the "Arbiturd," Gravemind came and broke it up. Eventually, Master Chief broke up the Covenant and Haters found himself unemployed. Battle with Kwarsh and Yapyap's Elite Squad One day while Haters was looking for a job, an Elite assassination squad led by Kwarsh and Yapyap came out of nowhere and began to attack him. Haters used his lightning reflexes to jump in the air and whip out a pair of Uzis. He began sprayin' da lead at the Elites.. Haters don't be likin' dem niggaz. Then he landed and started ballin on everybody. He shoved his foot so far up their asses that he could touch their brains with his pinky toe. Kwarsh dived out of nowhere and, covered by sniper fire from Yapyap, engaged in battle with Haters. Then Haters attempted to escape in the SWAGcopter. As he flew away, he flipped off the Elites. Little did he know, he had taken his hands off the controls. The SWAGcopter made a nose dive and crashed into a school bus, killing many disabled children. Haters walked away from the crash safely and continued searching for a job, while Kwarsh and Yapyap got the flip out of the ghetto in their Phantom. Employment at White Castle Haters soon found himself working at White Castle until he saw a wigger come in. The cunt asked for 50 burgers. "WHAT!? I'm not going to give you SHIT! I'm just going to shit on your dead body when I'm done killing you!" With that, he tackled the man and beat him until he drowned in his own blood due to internal bleeding; and yes, he crapped on his dead body. The Prophet of Haters was sent to the insane asylum...again. He snuck out his room and infiltrated the asylum, which actually turned out to be a hospital for retarded midgets with Parkinson's disease. Soon he found what he was looking for... A cheeseburger. What? He was hungry! 40 hours later, Haters was sitting on a throne of cheeseburgers with fine ladies all around. Bill Guy eventually got bored, so he gave all the midgets chicken and proceeded to watch them toss the wings at the women. Haters walked over to Miley Cyrus' room. Outside were two guards. They drew their salt rifles and told Haters to get down. He flipped them off and kicked them through the door. Inside was Miley Cyrus. He shot the thing with a salt rifle and teabagged her dead body. Once Haters was done clipping his dicknails, he threw the dead guards at the wall and leapt out, stealing a convertible and driving away. Then Haters rode to a Covenant Separatist base, PWN'D everyone in it, and took the Separatist Phantom: Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow. The Prophet flew off into the sky to meet his local drug dealer. The Fate of the Prophet of Haters When Haters broke out, he stole a Phantom and cruised around the universe randomly blowing up civilizations. Haters destroyed thousands of worlds with his photon lazors of SWAG. He was an unstoppable force and everyone feared his awesome power because it is awesome. He is still at large. YAY! :) ...]] Stuff he did! * Invented "death by song," in which a prisoner would listen to a choir of Jackals sing until his brain imploded. * He set the record for "most people killed in about 3 minutes * Flipped America the bird on the Dr. Phil show. * Jumped up and down on Oprah's couch * Pwn a random wigger for asking for Recon too much. * Broke out of the Insane Asylum (twice). * Reached a temperature under absolute zip. * Had a hard-core battle with Master Chief. * Covertly assassinate Bill Gates. * Worked at White Castle. * Assisted in the murder of Miranda Keyes. * Created 1 Guy, 1 Cup. * Shot a chicken with a bow-and-arrow in Riverwood... and paid the price. * Tea-bag a Grunt to death. * Blamed 9/11 on Bin Laden. * A shit-ton more... Haters on the Big Screen The Prophet of Haters soon realised how awesome his story was and decided to go and have a movie made all about himself. So he met up with 30th Century Fox and they made the movie starring: * The Prophet of Haters as himself. * Chuck Norris as Master Chief. * Angelina Jolie as Cortana. * Dr. Phil as Gravemind and himself. * Soulja Boy as Soulja Boy the Jackal. * Samuel L. Jackson as Sgt. Johnson. * Gary Coleman as Kwarsh * Yapyap as himself. * Wheatley as 343 Guilty Spark. * Lord Shithead as himself. * Prophet of Truth as himself. * Arbiter as himself. * Maury Povich as Lord Hood. * Santa Claus and Epic Beard Man as Tartarus (EBM being the actual actor, Santa being the Stunt Double as there is a race/fight scene) * Michael Winslow as that one elite that has half a jaw and orders all the others around * Bapyap as himself. It also required music, which they hired Metallica, My Chemical Romance, Eminem, Flo Rida, and a bunch of monks to do. It was directed by Stephen Spielberg and Michael Bay and produced by the Prophet of Haters. The movie has hit 6749898238532697983467639846279 views by people, spartans, elites, GRUNTS!, brutes, hunters, prophets, and marines. Runtime: since the time of the Human-Covenant war. Rated: "OMFG!" Violence, badassness, massed offensive jokes, mild language, nudity, showing the red ring of death, torture, disturbing/hilarious images, science fiction violence, awkward situations, showing this person's face, making fun of Zach Efron's hair, multiple references to ''da thug life, guns, grenades, weapons of mass destruction, nukes, including Sonic the Hedgehog 2006, nuclear disasters, gettin' some, showing a bodybuilder, including Oprah Whinfrey, making fun of the Ellen Degeneres Show, making fun of other lesbian associated things, making fun of football players for getting drunk and doing stoopad things which end up killing their reputation, showing White Castle, audience participation and mo' 'orrible tings. Critic comments: A Sequel? Yes, indeed you heard it right. Bill Guy himself announced on January 17, 2011 that because of how many sales it got, there WILL be a Revenge of the Hater ll. Haters also announced that there will be the same exact cast as the first (except Megan Fox is Miranda), except there will be new Characters due to Halo: Reach Around's release (and due to new articles on Gruntipedia), and to make the movie more awesome, there will be MOAR music in it but it also will include the same artists hired for the first. This movie is so offensive, the ESRB had to make a whole new rating, this rating was HFIJSMPOTPWMTWGIMSWTFRJO unforunately for the ESRB, they killed themselves after rating the film. It has already been banned in more than 50 countries and it has more than 43 reasons listed for it's given rating. New Characters *Noble Six (portrayed by James Ramirez from Modern Warfare 2) *Carter-A259 (portrayed by either George Clooney or Sgt. Foley from MW2, it is still being decided) *Kat (portrayed by Michael Jackson's ghost in a Spartan Suit) *Emile-A239 (portrayed by Barack Obama) *Isna 'Nosolee as himself *Jun-A266 (portrayed by Vin Diesel with an Arab accent) *Jorge-052 (portrayed by Billy Mays' ghost in a Spartan Suit) *Riley Freeman as himself *The Meta as himself *Thee Pi Lourrd (portrayed by a bunch of worms inside a bunch of cans) *Ae Pi Dood (portrayed by a different bunch of worms inside a different bunch of cans) *Kanye West as himself *Ellen Anders (portrayed by Satan's Wife) *This person as Catherine Elizabeth Halsey *Osama Bin Laden as his ghost *God as Himself *Jesus as Himself *Mohammed as Himself *Miranda Keyes (now portrayed by Megan Fox) *Lady Gaga as ITself *A Random Brute as himself *A Random Grunt as himself *A Random Elite as himself *A Random Jackal as himself *A Random Engineer as himself *A Random Skirmisher as himself *A Random Drone (Portrayed by a random Butterfly wielding a Plasma Pistol) *A Random Marine as himself *Your mum (as herself) *And thats it, now lets move on to the new music New Music by: *Kanye West *Taylor Swift (only to be interrupted by Kanye's song) *Ke$ha *Justin Bieber *Da Crusadaz *Soulja Boy the Jackal *Asheru (for the opening of the movie which is completely ripped of from The Boondocks) *Usher *Asking New Alexandria *Ludacris *Mary J. Blige *Rihanna *50 Cent *Linkin Park *Jay-Z The movie hits all theaters in the Universe on June 20, 2011, SEE IT!!!!!!! Oh and I forgot to mention it's in 3-D, so be prepared to cum in your pants from the awesomeness. (NOTE: The movie is not actually in 3D, you just watch it with 3D glasses, without the 3D effects onscreen) No Way, A Third One? :D Yes, indeed. A third Revenge of the Hater movie has been announced. Filled with more shit, profanity, drugs, violence, uncensored sex/rape, Grunts and SWAG than ever before, there will be a brand new installment in the RotH series. On 6/9/2015, ''cum''ing to trashcans near you, a Blu-Ray 3D movie: Revenge of the Hater lll. Cast * Haters - himself * Kwarsh - Liam Neeson * Master Chief - Chuck Norris * Noble Six - James Ramirez from MW2. * Carter-A259 - Sgt. Foley from MW2 * Swaggee' Badassee - himself * Maddislimane - himself * Fartee' Faec' - himself * J'Suz Kusov - himself * rest of the B.D.H as themselves * Arbiter - Himself * All the RvB characters as themselves * Arby n' the Chief - Microsoft Mike and Microsoft Sam * Lord Shithead - himself * Thee Pi Lourrd - himself, raised from the Heretic Pit II for the movie's production. * Dr. Phil as Gravemind and himself * Menace Potato-himself (well what can he say? They offered him a lot of money!) Music * The entire album Elitematic. Famous Quotes {{quote|FU